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Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Think no-smoking sections are unfair? In Germany in the seventeenth century, smoking was a crime punishable by death. If the tabacco didn't kill you, the tabacco police would.






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Where are we going, and why are we in a handbasket?




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So, my friend just introduced me to Urban Dictionary. Holy Shit, haha!



Unprotected Sleep: turning off your alarm clock and immediately going back to sleep; risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task

bio-accessory: a living being used as a fashion accessory, like a handbag or a scarf, except that it's alive; often dressed up in cutesy little outfits


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Jan. 3:
In Hollyweird

Years after the cowboy movie star Gene Autry retired from the big screen, he looked at how Hollywood was changing and commented, "Today you see girls doing on the screen what they used to do off the screen to get on screen."



Jan. 6:
In Hollyweird

Movie mogul Darryl Zanuck, the head of 20th Century Fox, made the mistake of asking the caustic wit Oscar Levant for his opinion of the studio's new film.
"I think the picture stinks," Levant replied.
"Who the hell are you to think the picture stinks?" Zanuck fumed.
Levant replied quite reasonably, "Who the hell do you have to be to think the picture stinks?"



Jan. 7:
Ask A Dumb Question

A woman wrote to Dear Abby asking, "Are birth control pills deductible on my income tax?"
Abby had a simple response: "Only if they don't work."



Jan. 8:
The Business of Stupidity

A reporter asked the famous lawyer Clarence Darrow if hard work was responsible for his success in court.
"I guess so," Darrow answered. "I was raised on a farm. One hot day I was packing down stacks of hay, and by noon I was totally exhausted. The next day, I left the farm, never to return, and I haven't done a day of hard work since."



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All I want is less to do,
more time to do it,
and higher pay for not getting it done.
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Friends help you move.

Real friends help you move bodies.

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I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
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Squeeze me, I squeek!


Holy sh***********t!


Can Johnny come out to play?


Has anyone seen Muffy?
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What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?


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Consciousness: that annoying time in between naps.

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Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.




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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Out of my mind. Be back in 15 minutes.

(Yes, I realize my latest stickers have a certain theme to them. That should be a good indication as to the state of my mind.)
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Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there!
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I'm not a complete idiot. Parts of me are still missing.


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Quick! Hire teenagers while they still know everything.
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I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
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Does dark have a speed too?

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Eliminate and abolish redundancy!
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Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you have enough to spare.

An Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

August 2011

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